do you ever have experiences with people where you see total polar oposites of what is going on?
sometimes i think when im happiest is when things are going to come crashing down at my feet in the biggest mess and other times im in my own private hell and it turns out those sharing it are actually happy
my weekend was odd, i had a date with someone from okcupid. and it was good, we talked a lot, we laughed, a bit of flirting, i didnt want to freak him out to much, so kept most of the serious stuff out of conversation. which can be really hard when someone speaks about their family a lot. and he did, he is all tied up in them, in teh family dog, his amazing brother...so very proud of him. and the affection for his mum and dad is huge. makes its hard. sometimes i wonder do people notice i dont talk about my family much? i did mention my dad, he died when i was 21 and at uni, but i didnt mention that ,my mum died when i was 26 or that all my grandparents died in between them. its not really something to bring up over pizza on a first date.
he said i wasnt driven enough...and its true about my career, but not about other things, ive got no one to support me, no one to help me and so i am driven to provide a home for myself when no one else can,
im trying to drive, god how i try but i just cant pass my test for love nor money, and so i find myself in a loop, but that doesnt make me less driven, its just my focus is on different things. and when i drive i will look for another job and maybe another place to live, here isnt somewhere i want to stay, just somewhere i moved back to when i needed some stability.
personally i think he didnt fancy me, which is fine, not everyone does, but why kiss me then?
men...really i just wish they would decide what they want
he was sexy and sweet and funny, and the car was enough to make me wet yet i dont know how the engine works so thats a big no no for him.
ive never snuck, noisely and with much giggles out of a resturant before and had so much hope we would do it again sometime, with or without sex after.
course he isnt the only one in the tangle that is my non existent love life
i have the girls...who flit in and out and leave me as confused as ever, sexy funny things that give me the friendship as well as the pasion
there is a certain young thing who wraps me up in his arms and asks if im happy to be curled up with him and am i happy in general and who's face falls if i say im sad. im just enjoying him, i know it cant last but we are so much more than sex we dont have and less than the physical promise. but he makes me smile.
i have a guy who likes me. he is trying everything to show me that and something is making me hold back, i think im nervous about him becuase i have already cought him in a stretching of the truth, and this early on in the game it makes me think that i would never quite believe him, though i havent made up my mind yet. im also not sure why he is as into me as he is...which does go to show that i really cant be pleased. im bitching about one guy who isnt into me at all and yet he made me laugh, and im bitching about a guy who is becuase..well there has to be something wrong for him to like me this much,...doesnt there? but he does make me melt when he stroked my back. maybe i just need to see him when im more awake. me being half asleep doesnt help
there are a few others who may or maynot become important, i havent met some of them yet but i think mainly tonight im sad becuase i didnt get to see what happens with the idiot one, but i guess being told was better than wondering, though i think a wasted friendship is a hanging offence. its not all about sex after all.
oooh and on a happier note...and not suprisingly this is about sex...wrestling...i think ive found something else i like. i want a guy beefy enough to pin me and strong enough that me fighting back and pinning him wont break him.
any takers? ;)
